You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
