I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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