this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I should be sponsored by Trojan
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
