i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
