I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
