You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
