you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
