im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
