I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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