She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
