He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
