I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
