woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
operation harelip BJ is a go
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Verdict: uncircumcised.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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