No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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