Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He did a backflip because drugs
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