The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
