I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
