You're my little dorito
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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