He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
