I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
