This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
