never play flip cup with pint glasses
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
