how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
