Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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