Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
