In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
