you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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