I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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