3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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