I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
