dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
