its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
