Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
