i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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