why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
