I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
