it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
