Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
nutella sex= disaster
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
