somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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