I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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