Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
