260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
