how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
