Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
