Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
