dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
