You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
