i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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