so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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