remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
