If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
