What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
