Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
