You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
