He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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