Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
