Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
