Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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