Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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