How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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