It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
