It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
