By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
