I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
