I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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